Rediscovering my Independence

Sooooo I have a new boyfriend…

Basically we met at work and went from colleagues to friends… To friends talking 24/7… and then we started seeing each other, before FINALLY becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah, he’s very lovely, we’re very cute blah blah blah, BUT I’m not here to talk boys… I’m here to talk about why my boyfriend is taking me away from all those things I liked doing when I was single.

All I have done for the past couple of months is sit around looking at his face, or listening to songs he likes, or eating nachos with him. Which is why you will notice a significant lack of blog posts in February. Blogging isn’t the only thing I’ve given up recently… Other things include seeing family members and showering regularly (only the big important life stuff). But as turns out, it’s actually not all his fault. It’s mine. SHOCKING news really.

We had spent approximately 47 days in a row together when he told me that he had plans- some stuff he needed to do, and that maybe I should go home that evening. Personally I was very offended and went to sulk. Mid-sulk, I realised that I had nothing to do; none of my friends were available; it was a Sunday night and the gym was closed (as if I even considered that an option). What would I do now? I felt lonely and lost.

It was at this point I realised that I was no longer the strong independent woman I had always prided myself on being, and had instead become my worst nightmare: dependent on a man. *Distant screams*

I realised that I had, for the first time, properly become half of a couple. I’d had boyfriends before but this was next level. We work together, we go home together, we hang out with the same friends. And it was only when he told me he had a whole life outside the relationship that he had been ignoring, I realised that I had been doing exactly the same.

My mother did not raise me to be like this… she raised a strong independent person, with her own interests and goals. Someone who believed she could do anything she set her mind to. I had never thought I’d become that person that drops her whole life for a man, but here I was spending 24/7 with, and pretty much changing my life for this lad.

There was a balance I had yet to learn: making compromises to make a relationship work, whilst also having a life of my own. For some reason I could only do one at an extreme level: be independent as hell, and a bit of a man-hater, or Amber 2.0: soppy, obsessive and quite frankly: boring.

Amber 3.0

I realised that I didn’t really want to be either of those things, and so I am striving to be a bit of both: Amber 3.0.

In my time away from my lovely boyfriend, I have reminded myself about all the other stuff I love in life. Number one being writing. This means blog writing, writing for myself, writing my future Grammy’s speech…

Number 2 being looking after myself- washing my hair, not eating a Sainsbury’s meal deal for lunch every day… that kind of thing.

Number 3: This month I am going to go back to the gym. I can’t blame anyone for this actually… I haven’t been since July. So that ones literally just on me.

Number 4: Start another new book. I’ve become a proper book worm recently and I’m living for it… so if anyone has any recommendations, hit me up x

Number 5: Interact with fellow bloggers- I’ve become rather an introvert with my lack of blogging and social media-ing so I’ll be back and stop being a Larry-loner now.

 

That’s about that for today; I just wanted everyone to be updated, and know that I’m not ditching you all (and my blog) for a boy, I promise. Please let me know if anyone else has had moments like this where they find their own lives and relationships difficult to fit together!

Thank you for reading!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

2 thoughts on “Rediscovering my Independence

  1. Yo go girl! I’ve been there too, with my now-husband. There was some point when I was super attached in all areas, and needed to let go and focus on myself a bit. I’m so glad I did! We became better for it, and a stronger couple. It’s a much different dynamic now that we’re married and live together, but I’ll always know who I am on my own. While it can be a bit of a shaky realization, it’s one worth making. I wish you the best of luck!

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